X out of 10

Pompous and Superfluous Bluetoothery (PSB) is a blight on our society that can be found virtually everywhere—at the bar, in restaurants, or even while shopping at the grocery store. But do not panic! PSB is easily avoidable and minimally contagious.

What is PSB, you ask? The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders defines PSB as “the act of wearing a Bluetooth headset unnecessarily when one is not planning on having a telephone conversation, particularly when one is amongst peers or when the functionality of said headset is eliminated by the wearer’s noisy environment (as in a bar or nightclub).”

Symptoms of PSB include looking like a tool/cyborg/jackass, an inflated sense of self-worth, cockiness, and, ironically, not receiving any phone calls at all because you are a douche.

You can protect yourself from PSB by removing your Bluetooth headset from your ear as soon as you finish your telephone conversation, and by leaving your headset at home when you go out to the club.

It should be noted that wearing a Bluetooth headset, despite the obvious functionality, does not make you look cool, rich or important. Today, Bluetooth headsets are a relatively cheap piece of consumer electronics and should not, under any circumstances, be considered to be or a fashion accessory or an item of “bling.”