X out of 10

Somewhere between putting this DVD in the player and the end credits, my brain switched off. I think it was around the dozenth time the antagonist (played by Dax Shepard) boasted of his title as the “fastest checker in the Southwest region” of a Costco-like warehouse chain. By the second time he makes this claim to fame, we get it: the guy is a sad, lonely, pathetic douche and we’re supposed to hate him and love the plucky Dane Cook character. Yes, it was from that point forward that my neurons fired only infrequently—usually to ogle the ridiculously low-neck shirts that Jessica Simpson wore in every single scene—before returning to a catatonic daze.

While in that daze, I imagined I was a fly on the wall when this movie’s producer was pitching the concept to the studio execs. It went something like this: (cue wavy-dream-sequence effect)

Exec: So you’ve got a comedy vehicle for Dane Cook, eh? What’s it about?
Producer: Well, sir, the plot is simple: boy meets girl. Girl meets other boy. Boy 1 and boy 2 duke it out for her affections. Hilarity ensues!
Exec: How’s it end? People like happy endings.
Producer: Well, boy 1 (the quirky, lovable one) wins the girl over, and boy 2 (the prick) is destitute and humiliated by the time the credits roll.
Exec: Dane Cook is boy 1, right? The kids like Dane Cook, so we gotta make him the lovable one. Then it’s a happy ending.
Producer: My thoughts exactly. And get this: Dane’s slacker buddies are played by Andy Dick and Harlan Williams!
Exec: Getting warmer…
Producer: And we’re writing in a part for that Mexican kid from Napoleon Dynamite!
Exec: Yes! Warmer still, but we just need that certain je ne sais quoi to push it over the edge.
Producer: Oh, did I mention that Jessica Simpson will be wearing low-cut tops throughout the film?
Exec: Sold!

X = 1.5 for a trite, absurd plot with a scant few chuckles scattered throughout (but come on, Jessica Simpson is pretty damn gorgeous).

Buy Employee of the Month (Widescreen Edition) at Amazon.com if ye dare.