X out of 10

This Divided State captures a single event (the controversy surrounding filmmaker Michael Moore’s speaking engagement at in an ultra-conservative Utah town), trapping it forever, like a fly in amber, and preserving it as a reminder of the past.

The film, while ostensibly about an otherwise minor event, serves as a time capsule containing memories of those crazy months (ah, they seemed like years) leading up the the 2004 US election. That year, as we all recall, was full of fear, loathing, and all-around ugliness—truly America at its worst. Many of us who lived through this time will never forget it, and that’s precisely why this film is important: it reminds us all of how fear and closed-mindedness creates a dense atmosphere of mistrust and, unfortunately, hatred.

X = 8.8: a fair, poignant reminder of an unpleasant time in American history, which is only bogged down by some lame filler in the middle.

Buy This Divided State at Amazon.com

Somewhere between putting this DVD in the player and the end credits, my brain switched off. I think it was around the dozenth time the antagonist (played by Dax Shepard) boasted of his title as the “fastest checker in the Southwest region” of a Costco-like warehouse chain. By the second time he makes this claim to fame, we get it: the guy is a sad, lonely, pathetic douche and we’re supposed to hate him and love the plucky Dane Cook character. Yes, it was from that point forward that my neurons fired only infrequently—usually to ogle the ridiculously low-neck shirts that Jessica Simpson wore in every single scene—before returning to a catatonic daze.

While in that daze, I imagined I was a fly on the wall when this movie’s producer was pitching the concept to the studio execs. It went something like this: (cue wavy-dream-sequence effect)

Exec: So you’ve got a comedy vehicle for Dane Cook, eh? What’s it about?
Producer: Well, sir, the plot is simple: boy meets girl. Girl meets other boy. Boy 1 and boy 2 duke it out for her affections. Hilarity ensues!
Exec: How’s it end? People like happy endings.
Producer: Well, boy 1 (the quirky, lovable one) wins the girl over, and boy 2 (the prick) is destitute and humiliated by the time the credits roll.
Exec: Dane Cook is boy 1, right? The kids like Dane Cook, so we gotta make him the lovable one. Then it’s a happy ending.
Producer: My thoughts exactly. And get this: Dane’s slacker buddies are played by Andy Dick and Harlan Williams!
Exec: Getting warmer…
Producer: And we’re writing in a part for that Mexican kid from Napoleon Dynamite!
Exec: Yes! Warmer still, but we just need that certain je ne sais quoi to push it over the edge.
Producer: Oh, did I mention that Jessica Simpson will be wearing low-cut tops throughout the film?
Exec: Sold!

X = 1.5 for a trite, absurd plot with a scant few chuckles scattered throughout (but come on, Jessica Simpson is pretty damn gorgeous).

Buy Employee of the Month (Widescreen Edition) at Amazon.com if ye dare.

Philip K. Dick’s 1977 novel A Scanner Darkly explored issues ranging from police surveillance to drug culture to the nature of consciousness, all united brilliantly under the umbrella of Dick’s eccentric, paranoid, borderline-schizophrenic style. Because A Scanner Darkly is among the tales most treasured by PKD’s legion of fans, and because its intricate plot is so difficult to present cinematically, movie producers have had a hands-off approach to this story for decades.

Fortunately, the capable cinematic eye of director Richard Linklater helped transform this complex story to film without bastardizing a brilliant concept (ahem, I’m looking at you, Minority Report and Paycheck, two other PKD story-to-film adaptations). Linklater’s method with this film was to capture the actors on tape, then later augment them using an animation technique called rotoscoping (if you’ve seen those realistically-animated Charles Schwab commercials on TV lately, you’re already familiar with the technique).

This type of semi-animation allows for a surreal experience that combines the endless possibilities of traditional animation with the unique range of emotions that can only be expressed by a real human face. The effect is stunning: cinematically-incompatible concepts like the Scramble Suit worn by the protagonist (a suit that conceals the wearers identity, making them blend in as an everyman) are suddenly possible. Bizarre drug trips are brought to life with frightening realism (the best of which involves a character attempting to kill himself by drinking wine and consuming downers, which instead causes him to have his sins read to him over the course of 11,000 years by a multi-eyed inter-dimensional being… yeah, you’d have to see it to really get it). And most importantly, the insane brilliance of Dick’s tale is, thankfully, preserved.

X = 9.5: delightfully intriguing, occasionally frustrating (but in a good way), and ultimately very enjoyable.

Buy A Scanner Darkly (Widescreen Edition) at Amazon.com

Over the last few decades, State of the Union Addresses have devolved from a necessity to an exercise in political masturbation. This evening, president George W. Bush gave his sixth such address, successfully providing case in point. Read more »

Water bottles are great, but I’ve always been a little leery of them. As far back as 1998, some folks (science-type folks) were claiming that polycarbonate containers (like those from Nalgene) can leach toxic compounds into your water. These compounds that can lead to not-so-fun things like cancer, prostate damage, low sperm count, and birth defects.

Enter Klean Kanteen. These shiny silver water bottles are made from the highest-grade stainless steel, which has no leaching characteristics and does not affect the flavor of your water (or whatever your beverage of choice may be). The Kanteens come in 12, 18, 27 and 40 ounce sizes, and are available with a loop cap (my preference), flat cap, or sports cap (which is made of super high-grade polypropylene that supposedly doesn’t leach).

X = 9.5: a great alternative to the now-ubiquitous Nalgene, although it is more likely to show greasy fingerprints, dents and scratches than its polycarbonate cousin (if you care about that kind of stuff).

Buy a Klean Kanteen stainless steel water bottle at kleankanteen.com.

If you can get past the dull-as-dirt title, Carl Sagan’s final book serves as a fascinating primer for those interested in delving into the mind of the late scientist/philosopher. The book, which is actually an edited-for-print version of Sagan’s 1985 Gifford Lectures at the University of Glasgow, draws parallels between theology and science, which, Sagan argues, have identical objectives but incompatible methodologies. He explores questions of cosmology, eschatology, anthropocentrism, evolution, and even finds time to discuss the possibility of extraterrestrial life as it relates to theology. Insightful and persuasive, Sagan’s measured skepticism ensures that even readers who treasure their faith above all will come away with something that changes their view of our incredible universe.

X = 7.5: an excellent primer for new Sagan readers, and a fair, honest, insightful discussion of theology from a scientist’s perspective. Dedicated Sagan readers should enjoy it too, but probably won’t find much here that the great scientist didn’t discuss in his 19 previous books.

Buy The Varieties of Scientific Experience: A Personal View of the Search for God from Amazon.com

If, like me, you’re not a fan of the other white meat, Tofurky’s faux-sausages are a great way to get your protein while adding a little spice to your menu. Sun-dried tomatoes and basil give their Italian-style sausages a taste that is both sweet and savory, while at the same time, each sausage delivers a whopping 29 grams of protein and zero cholesterol. Read more »

A lack of prior testing on my part made it so that nobody could leave comments. Oops. I’ve fixed the problem, and comments are now up and running. Read on to learn more. Read more »

Athletic shoes typically fall into one of two camps: the well-designed camp or the aesthetically-pleasing camp. New Balance’s new 8505s not only strike a remarkable balance between the two areas, but in fact excel in both; I happen to think they’re exceptionally cool-looking (for athletic shoes), and their construction makes your run a joy. The NB Zip heel design, for example, makes the heel area incredibly shock-absorbant while reducing bulk. The result is a shoe that is light as a feather and that remains comfy for the entire length of your run.

The biggest issue with these is easily fixable, but at the same time it mirrors an issue I’ve had with every pair of New Balances I’ve ever owned: shoelaces that are so long it borders on the absurd. Seriously, you have to tie the damn things in a triple knot just to make them manageable. This sounds like a minor nit to pick, but try running 5 miles with shoelaces whap-whapping at your calves the whole time. Argh.

X = 9.6 for exceptional style/performance/price ratio.

Buy the New Balance Men’s 8505 running shoes at Amazon.com

[Note: this isn’t my Christmas loot, but rather loot I bestowed upon my mom, and that I personally and enthusiastically used no more than 5 minutes after the unwrapping of said loot]

Cooking hard-boiled eggs is a time-consuming, smelly, inconvenient pain in the ass. Once you’ve invested the time it takes to get a good rolling boil going, you have to drop the eggs in and basically wait until the next time you’re hungry, ’cause by the time the eggs are cooked, you’ve already gnawed your arm off in desperation (that’s true, I read it somewhere).

Maybe I just have issues. But regardless, Cuisinart’s CEC-7 makes the whole egg-cooking process a whole lot easier, not to mention much faster. Just use the included measuring cup to tell the unit how many eggs you’re cooking and how hard or soft you like them (it automagically computes the required cooking time based on the amount of water you pour in), then put the lid on, flip a switch, and wait obediently for the pleasant chime that lets you know that egg-time has officially begun. Oh yeah, minor safety note: you have to punch a pin-sized hole in the egg (using a pin hidden on the measuring cup) so that bad boy don’t explode during the cooking process. Straight out of the box, it took me about 10 minutes, start to finish, to cook four eggs hard.

The cute-as-a-button CEC-7 also includes a handy little poaching tray that you can use to make poached eggs in a hurry, and without a mess. Best of all, its great price makes it the perfect gift for your favorite, err, egg-eater?

X = 9.0 for good design and great functionality, but limited usefulness (unless you eat eggs all the time).

Buy the Cuisinart CEC-7 Egg Cooker at Amazon.com